Tomorrow will be exactly 10 months since we lost Morgan. In the time since then, I've tried to find joy in the little things, wherever I could.
Before my pregnancy, Target was one of those little things that made my day. In fact, when we first got married, I would leave my husband at home to tinker, and waste a Sunday afternoon wandering around Target. At the time, I was blissfully unaware that Target has the world's biggest baby section outside of Babies R Us. In the time since my pregnancy ended, I've had a love-hate relationship with Target. It's still my preferred store for little household things, but I hug the outer wall trying to avoid the baby section.
We've been in Nashville for three days, and I've been to Target every day picking up this or that. Today was the first time that I didn't purposefully avoid the baby section. In fact, I walked past it and through it several times. Not only that, I could look at the stuff and not be pissed. There was some sadness, sure. But today, I looked at the little onesie with the glittery giraffe and thought it was cute. Today was more of the longing I felt before I got pregnant with Morgan. It was the "I want that in my life" versus the "I'm supposed to have that right now" kind of longing.
We'd been hoping that moving to a new city would represent a fresh start, and we've both been in fantastic moods since leaving Atlanta. Perhaps I'm just hopped up on excitement for things ahead, but I'm claiming today as a victory, none the less.