Tuesday, April 16, 2013

Everything Happens For a Reason, They Say

One of the first CDs I ever bought, way back in eight grade, was by a duo called Zhane', and they had a song called "Everything Happens for a Reason".  I used to love this song.  One because it's just a pretty song, and two, because I did believe everything happens for a reason.

I'm not sure if I've listened to this song since losing Morgan, but it came up this morning in an iTunes playlist while I was working.  The words certainly had a new meaning.  The song is in the link, but some of the words are:

Saying goodbye can be the hardest thing to doWhen you really love someone.You keep holding on hoping that a second would lastLast you forever, but it dont
Letting go can be the hardest thing to doWhen you truly care about someoneYou cant say byeenough times to make your feelings last a life timebut all the memories never go away
...And at the end...
Everything happens for a reasonthey say they saythey keep telling me
Everything happens for a reasonthey say
This is what got me: the repetition of THEY say.  Who is they?  What have they gone through that compares?  And yes, I guess I still do believe (deep down inside) that everything does happen for a reason.  I guess it's just one of those common "feel better" phrases that THEY say, just set to music.

Saturday, April 6, 2013

Caught off guard

I was scrolling through Facebook yesterday, and there was a post from Still Standing (I think) via Carly  Marie.  She was writing something about Mother's Day and being a bereaved mom.  How do you feel about it, will you acknowledge it, that kind of thing.

Talk about caught off guard.  I think I thought about Mother's Day back at New Years, when I was thinking of all the things that should have been this year, but aren't.  I thought about it in passing about a week ago, to remind myself to pick up cards for other people.  Yet, I didn't think about Mother's Day for myself, until seeing this post last night.

I didn't have a melt down or anything.  In a way, I didn't really have much of a reaction, other than realizing that it's coming up.  Soon.  Mostly because I can't afford the time or energy it takes to think about it right now.  The dissertation must get done!  But, I checked the calendar to see when Mother's Day is, and it's two days after I defend my dissertation.  So, I guess I better plan something, even if it's just to hide away.  Otherwise, the adrenaline of getting things done and the high of finishing school (forever!) will wear off, and reality will again hit me like a brick.

Odd thing is, I have thought about my husband for Father's Day, and whether to get him a card from Lost for Words, a line of cards especially for us who've lost babies.

Anyway, I certainly don't have time to think about it now.  I'm off to "Dissertation Bootcamp".  Two 8-hour days of writing in the library. Just when the weather starts to get nice.  Yay.