Thursday, October 31, 2013


I've never been much of a Halloween person.  But this year, I've though a lot about Halloween and dressing Morgan up in a little costume.  This would have been her second Halloween: the first where she could "kind of" go trick or treating, and probably the last where I could dress her up as something totally adorable.  I figured by next year, at almost two and a half, she might have some ideas of her own.

Last year, the time from Thanksgiving to New Year's was pretty sucky.  Hopefully, this year won't be so bad, or last so long.  It's hard walking the line between the disaster that has defined my life thus far, and being optimistic that there could soon be a next time and things will change for the better.  Bouncing back and forth is tiring, though.

Monday, October 28, 2013

Worry wart

Every day after work for the past week, I immediately turn on my computer and check a specific email account, as well as the insurance company's website.  Why?

In early September, we had a phone consultation to determine whether a trans-abdominal cerclage was an option for us to help me carry a baby to term.  After deciding it was the right thing to do, I scheduled myself for surgery in November.  The surgery is just over three weeks away, and my insurance pre-authroization hasn't been approved.  So, I'm nervous that they won't approve it.  In addition, three weeks is cutting it close when you're traveling out of state.  Many ladies on Abbyloopers, a site dedicated to info on this procedure, have the same insurance, and had no issues.  Worries, worries.

Anxious and worried that it won't be approved.  Anxious and worried that it won't work.

Sunday, October 13, 2013

To Be a Fly on the Wall

Remember several years back when MTV had a show with the tagline, "You think you know, but you have no idea"?  I think it was called "True Story".

Yesterday, I went to spend the morning at a knitting/crochet event.  I opted to sit at a table with a younger woman and her older companion.  Well, the younger woman (Tattoo Chick) was pregnant and talking to her friend (Purple Hair) about the upcoming baby shower.  No big deal, didn't bother me at all.  Tattoo Chick goes on to discuss how a mutual acquaintance of theirs had stopped speaking to them after their pregnancy announcement, but was now speaking to her and her boyfriend again.  Turns out the mutual acquaintance has PCOS and has not been able to conceive a child.  Tattoo Chick and Purple Hair proceed to go on an on about how it's this third woman's own fault she can't get pregnant.  You know why?  "Because all you have to do is go to the doctor."

Infertility has not been my struggle, but I do know it's a little (!) more involved than just going to the doctor.  Overhearing this entire conversation just pissed me off, from start to finish.  No wonder the friend stopped talking to Tattoo Chick.  Tattoo Chick and Purple Hair also went on to say the friend probably wouldn't be a good mother, anyway.  I, of course, don't know these two women or their "friend", but I could just as easily say that a woman with tattoos all over her arms, chest and neck with barbells hanging out of her nose isn't a good mother, either.

So here I am, sitting there with my pregnancy loss awareness ribbon on, stewing in my own juices.  I felt bad for the friend, having to put up with these know-it-alls who are lucky enough to pop out babies like gum balls, telling her how easy it is to get pregnant.

See, they think they know, but have no idea.