Tuesday, October 23, 2012

Good Husbands are Priceless

I just want to express how great my husband is.  He's always been a great husband, and he made me remember how wonderful he is when I was pregnant.  From the moment we got a positive pregnancy test, he basically did everything for us: cook, clean, grocery shop.  You name it, he did it.  All I did was sleep.  He was so good to me that I absolutely felt sorry for women who had to deal with the blech of the first trimester without a loving husband.  I mean, I would've been sitting on a pile of old pizza boxes, wearing dirty clothes, if he weren't around.

Then, when I went on bed rest, he is the one who took care of me.  He made sure I had food, drinks, entertainment; he even helped me go to the bathroom in the middle of the night right after surgery! And, after Morgan's death, he continued to take care of me.  Even now, he still takes care of me.  Don't get me wrong, I'm back in the groove of everyday life, but he takes care of me emotionally too, even though I haven't done a good job of doing the same for him.

This post has no real point other than I wanted to brag on him for a minute.  Since we lost Morgan, I've spent a good bit of time in the pregnancy loss/grief boards on BabyCenter.  There's always a mom sharing how her husband just doesn't understand the depths of her pain and expects her to be normal again, right away.  I keep hearing that men just grieve differently...blah, blah, blah, but some of these guys are just jerks and IMO, weren't ready to be fathers.  I could not imagine what it must be like to deal with a loss and have a crappy husband.  We do grieve differently, yes.  But in no way has he tried to discount my grief and make me get over it.  He does seem to be able to better hold it together than I can, but I know he still has good days and bad days, just like me.

To the bereaved significant others (husband, boyfriend, whatever): Be there for your wife! Your attachment to your expected baby may not be as strong as hers, after all, you didn't carry that great blessing around with you every second of every day.  Let her grieve, in whatever (non-harmful) way she sees fit.  Try to cheer her up, if possible, but don't try to fix her.  She'll never be the woman she was.

To my husband: I just want you to know how much I truly love you and appreciate you, and everything you have done for me.  You are what keeps me going.  We missed out this time on being able to watch our little girl grow up.  I missed out on getting to watch you get wrapped around her little fingers.  But, I know that one day, we'll have our chance.

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