Some Holes Can't be Filled

If you're reading this blog, you likely already know that October is Perinatal and Infant Loss Awareness Month.  This morning, I posted to Facebook to let others know this, and asked my FB friends to say a prayer for families who will always have a hole where their babies should be.  A FB friend, a family member, actually, commented that the hole would be filled again someday.  I know her heart was in the right place, but NO!  There will always be a hole in my heart where Morgan should be.    That part of us will always miss our little baby girl.  There will always be an empty seat, figuratively, or perhaps even literally, for her at our table.

I'm sure there will come a day when we can laugh and smile with other people.  Where we can look fondly at others with their babies and young children and smile.  But that day is not today.  It won't be tomorrow,  and it won't be anytime soon.

I pressed enter on that FB post before I could ask that folks acknowledge those babies that were lost.  Don't act as if the baby never happened, or wasn't lost.  It's probably easier for friends and acquaintances to ignore the fact that I was once pregnant, but now I'm not.  They probably think they're sparing my feelings by not bringing it up.  But, I WANT to talk about Morgan.  I want her to be remembered.  She touched my life, and through me, will touch the world.  Because of her, I'm changed.  I can't guarantee that I won't burst into tears, but I can't ignore her affects on my life.  From what I've read on other blogs and forums, this is true for many who've lost babies.

Rambling aside, my point here is that the Morgan shaped hole in my heart, in our family, will never be filled.  We may have other children, but they can't and won't replace Morgan.  Each member of our family is and will be a uniquely shaped piece of the puzzle.  Our puzzle began with two pieces.  Together, we carved out a randomly shaped third piece for Morgan.  Someday, another randomly shaped piece or two will be carved out as well.  Handcrafted, and forged with love, no pieces will be the same.  Our future little puzzle pieces will be loved no more or no less than Morgan's piece.  The other pieces will just have a little more tarnish, a little more wear and tear, because we'll have more time  to show our love.