Wednesday, August 28, 2013

The (Anti) Grief Diet

In the three weeks after we lost Morgan, I lost about 15-20 pounds.  I'd been wanting to lose the weight I gained in graduate school (about 30 lbs.), and in  this terrible twist of fate, VOILA!  At the time, I told my husband that at least I wouldn't be a "Biggest Loser" sob story.  Every season, they have a contestant who has suffered an extreme family loss and gained lots of weight after.  There I was with two of the classic weight gain excuses: grad school and death.

Flash forward a year, and not only did I regain those 15 or so pounds, but they brought along a few friends.  Once I started eating again, I really started eating, and an extraordinary amount of those calories came from pure-d-sugar.  I mean, really, I was denied my daughter, was I really going to be denied a brownie (cake, cupcake, doughnut), too?

But on Monday, I officially turned over a new leaf.  Apparently, public accountability motivates me.  My department at work started a "Biggest Loser" type wellness challenge running through November 1.  But it's not their prize I'm after.  I want to be as healthy as possible when we're ready to try conceiving again.  There are going to be many things out of my control, but my weight and physical fitness are entirely in my own control.  I want to fit into the myriad of clothes in my closet, rather than the handful of things that currently fit.  From a vanity perspective, I don't want the doctor to have to heave my belly fat out of the way if/when I have the TAC surgery.  And, tight abs pre-surgery will help the recovery go faster!  I'm tired of feeling sluggish and tired.

So, anyway, here's my public declaration.  The grief and pain of losing Morgan has made it easy to let myself go, physically and emotionally.  But, now, I'm getting my self and sense of self back!  I'm officially on the anti-grief diet.  The girl in this picture is coming back!

Me, fall 2007.  A bit extreme, perhaps, but it's doable!

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