20 weeks +3
Woke up to go to the bathroom, and couldn't go back to sleep. Like a little kid worried about monsters under the bed, real life demons invaded my head. Lots of worries and what-ifs; even some tears. As usual, as soon as I got back in bed, I needed a snack. Yet, I couldn't go get it. I was haunted by a music video I haven't seen in nearly 20 years. The video features a happily expecting couple. One night, the mom gets up for a snack. While in the kitchen, she hemorrhages, and she and the baby died. Where did this memory come from?
Today, I plan to do a little bit of research into other treatment options, and whether there is any added benefit in conjunction with the cerclage. As I mentioned before, knowledge can be a double edged sword, but I have to do it.
I also need to set mini goals. The idea of laying here for the next 20 weeks is overwhelming.
Goal 1: Make it to the next appointment on Tuesday.
Goal 2: Make it to 24 weeks (8/20)
Goal 3: Make it to the 3rd trimester (9/8)
Goal 4: Make it to 30 weeks (9/24)
Goal 5: Make it to 35 weeks
Goal 6: Make it to Thanksgiving/37 weeks TERM!!
End goal: Have a happy, healthy baby girl