Day 3

20 weeks +3

2:30am
Woke up to go to the bathroom, and couldn't go back to sleep.  Like a little kid worried about monsters under the bed, real life demons invaded my head.  Lots of worries and what-ifs; even some tears.  As usual, as soon as I got back in bed, I needed a snack.  Yet, I couldn't go get it.  I was haunted by a music video I haven't seen in nearly 20 years.  The video features a happily expecting couple.  One night, the mom gets up for a snack.  While in the kitchen, she hemorrhages, and she and the baby died. Where did this memory come from?

Today, I plan to do a little bit of research into other treatment options, and whether there is any added benefit in conjunction with the cerclage.  As I mentioned before, knowledge can be a double edged sword, but I have to do it.

I also need to set mini goals.  The idea of laying here for the next 20 weeks is overwhelming.
Goal 1: Make it to the next appointment on Tuesday.
Goal 2: Make it to 24 weeks (8/20)
Goal 3: Make it to the 3rd trimester (9/8)
Goal 4: Make it to 30 weeks (9/24)
Goal 5: Make it to 35 weeks
Goal 6: Make it to Thanksgiving/37 weeks TERM!!
End goal: Have a happy, healthy baby girl