This has been on my mind for a while now. Maybe if I write it out, I can stop thinking about it?
I'm taking a maternal and child health class this semester. It's not the first class of this type I've taken, but the first since losing Morgan. For the most part, I'm OK, but little things that get me do come up every now and again.
Early in the semester (late January, maybe), we were talking about definitions used in the MCH field, and the professor asked about when life "begins". He presented several definitions that have been proposed in various writings, and opened the floor for discussion. One student, a pediatrician, actually, stated that a baby is not "life" until viability is reached. I try not to be "Crazy Bereaved Lady" at school. And, as such, purposefully did not join in this discussion. But this life=viability business burned me up. I just kept thinking that her opinion is part of what's wrong with the medical profession and why so many families get pissed on when their babies die. Sure, a baby's chances of surviving at less than 24 weeks are essentially zero, and are still pretty slim at 24 weeks. I also said to myself, "Clearly, she's never been pregnant!" To think that life doesn't being until over halfway through the pregnancy is assinine. How do you explain the movements you feel at 18 weeks?
Flash forward to about a month ago. This classmate of mine was suddenly visibly pregnant. This means she was more than pregnant when she made her statement. And every freaking week, I can't help but stare at her growing belly and wonder if she thinks it's "alive" yet. Would she not be hurt if tragedy struck tomorrow? Why should be upset if it's not alive?
My feeling is this: If it's not alive, then how can it die?