Dear Morgan

Dear Morgan,

I think about you every minute of every hour of every day.  But I've been thinking, for the past day or so, about your personality.  Because we lost you at 20 weeks, I'd only been able to feel your movements for about 3 weeks.  I was only able to feel you kick from the outside just once.  I don't think your daddy ever got to feel you move.

Anyway, I think you were going to be mellow like both of your parents, but spunky, too.  When you were comfortable, you were nice and calm.  But when there was something you didn't like, you let me know.  I remember one day, around week 19, I had two meetings at school.  You didn't like the way I was sitting, and you let me know with your little fists!

I also think you were going to be the type who wanted to be not be bothered by other people, just like your dad.  Every time we had a doctor's appointment, and it was time for the doppler or ultrasound, you'd move.  I remember the second time we saw you onscreen, at the 10 week visit.  You were still a tiny thing.  It was so amazing to see you!  Your arms and legs were just little nubbies, but you were waving them like crazy.  Our take home ultrasound pic was a blurry mess because you wouldn't hold still, even for a second!  All that movement, and I couldn't feel it at all.  It did give me a clue on why I was so tired all the time.  You were using all the energy trying to run around!

You also didn't like me to wear seat belts.  No matter where I tried to put it, you fought against it.  I later realized that because you were in a footling breach position, the seatbelt was probably sitting on your head, and you didn't like it.  Sorry, sweetie.

I also think you would have been a little trickster.  One of my favorite early pregnancy pastimes was to poke my tummy and find my uterus.  Early on, when my uterus was just a small ball, I would find it and rub it and talk to you.  But, I couldn't always find it.  One day, I remember poking you when my uterus was more on the right side.  Then, I tried to have your daddy feel it when he came into the room.  But, I couldn't feel/find it.  Somehow, as small as you were, you'd managed to move to the left side so that I'd leave you alone!  I knew then that you were going to be smart and funny.  Maybe a practical joker?  

I wish we could have the opportunity to know which of my predictions were right.  You could be sweet and shy, or a rambunctious tomboy.  It wouldn't have mattered, I'd have hugged you and kissed you to bits, either way.

I love you, Morgan. Now, forever, and always.

Love,

Mommy