Wednesday, August 15, 2012

Where is My Refuge?

Everyone has that thing they do or that place they go when they need to relax or escape for a few moments.  I like to bake, craft, and sew.  So, my getaway place was usually either the fabric or craft store.  I especially love the bigger stores that have both fabric and crafts.  They're the kind of places I can easily lose two hours without even trying.

But where will my getaway be after Morgan?

It's hard to explain how a person who wasn't even here yet had become such a part of my life.  Every plan for the present and the future involved Morgan.  This includes the many, many craft and sewing projects I had planned to make after we found out the sex.

For about a year before we officially started trying for a baby, I'd begun collecting project ideas and tutorials for baby projects.  Blankets, clothes, burp cloths, name it, I saved it.  I hit the jackpot when Pinterest came along!  So, obviously, once we knew I was pregnant, I was more than ready to put those plans into action.  I just needed to know if it should be pink or blue.   I've been to the craft/fabric stores twice since Morgan went to heaven.  The second time was easier than the first, but every aisle contained an item I would have purchased for my girl's projects.  Not to mention, pregnant women tend to gravitate toward craft stores, too.

Another favorite hideout was Target.  Who doesn't love to wander around Target?  You go in to get a birthday card and some laundry detergent, but come out with at least two bags of stuff you didn't know you needed.  But, I realize, without stepping one foot in there since Morgan, that I can't go there.  Not now.  Target is set up in such a way that the baby section can be seen from every main aisle.  You can't avoid it.

I guess I have to find a new hideout.  Because now, of all times, I really need a place where I can get away.  Where I won't run into anyone I know.  Where nobody's going to bother me.  Where, for just an hour, I can manage to not think about Morgan, about the plans I had for her, how cute she'd look in whatever little outfit, and manage to not be sad or cry.

I've had the urge several times over the past two weeks, just to get out of the house.  But where to go?  I've thought about just seeing where I end up, but gas costs too much to drive with no destination.  Besides, I haven't done that since gas was $1.25!

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